The Psychological Gap Between Who You Were And Who You Want To Be

Don't you want to be like her? She is doing so well!

We have all had this thought as we scroll through socials and we witness someone else's transition. We notice their newly established business thriving, their relocation with such ease and their reinvention that looks so impressive.

Envy? Jealousy or wonder? These are the uncomfortable feelings that come up when we compare our own change and notice that it's moving so very slowly.

And like it was meant to be, the advert appears for The Millionaire Mind Convention. As you scroll you notice the impressive and familiar names that have been the successes of this seminar – and you think "I should sign up?" because more information is an advantage isn't it? And its natural to think “ I could be one of them!” Besides, learning something means that you are growing and with growth, the psychological gap has to close for sure.

The thing is the gap is not the problem even though most women in major life transition believe it is.

The gap is the process.

What we see on social media is the result of the great unseen. It looks ideal and we all want that of course, but what we did not see is the toil behind the scene that filled the spaces fully in order for that outcome to realise.

In sum, you are comparing your present reorganization upheaval with someone else's success, and by doing that, you judged yourself as lacking, behind and not good enough.

You are not lacking, you are not behind and you are good enough.

You are just in the part that does not look good on camera and who wants to immortalise that?

The women whose transformations looks effortless from the outside did not bypass the gap. They moved through it, filling the space carefully, an inch at a time, consistently.

The psychological gap between who you were and who you want to be needs to have an intentional structure.

The previous identity, role, relationship or version of yourself that organised your decisions, your calendar, your sense of purpose has not fully completed its cycle.

The next identity has not yet formed. Between the two is a period of genuine disorientation that cannot be shortened by doing more.

Piling on more won't help you here because the solution for the gap is not addition, it is subtraction.

What needs to happen now is the removal of everything that no longer belongs. You cannot continue to hold the beliefs, the roles, the definitions of success that were built around the life you had that does not match life you want.

You have to erase and write a new equation for the life you want, with new variables that needs concise and continuous adjustments. It is vital that you do a reset before the next version can fully come online.

Life consists of behaviours and behaviour leads to outcome. Until your behaviour matches that of the outcome that you want, you will remain in stasis.

Everyone knows that comparison doesn't help, but it is human nature to unintentionally compare. The problem is your mind isn't registering the comparisons on fair terms. You had unintentionally compared your present process of transition to someone else's successful end product.

Even knowing that, you might still find yourself on the seminar page tempted to sign up because doing something feels better than doing nothing at all. It is only human to want to fix the discomfort immediately.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to learn something new, but in this instance the knowledge that you want to gain may not be what you need for this moment. Everything in our life is connected and so applying the wrong learning may lead you in the wrong direction when uncalculated.

The gap requires a different kind of work. It needs precision in calculating how to architect the structure that will work best for you, and calibrated to where you actually are, not where you want to appear to be.

As much as we all like to imagine that we can multitask, the fact is you cannot do everything all at once. Doing one thing well, at a time gets you the outcome that is ideal for you.

Understanding where you are and what that stage actually requires is the beginning of moving through it with calculated precision rather than panic.

That is the work of The Art of Becoming.

Precision over drama, always.