The number one thing most women ask me in session is — how do I start over. It is not about the CV or how to start dating again. This question comes heavy with fatigue. And when I sit with that question long enough, what I find is that she has timestamped her value. She has attached her sense of who she is and what she is worth to a period of her life that no longer exists. When a marriage or relationship ends — and particularly when it ends because someone chose to leave — e

When I was married, the first question at any party was either whether I was a lawyer like my husband or a fashion designer because of the way I dressed. I would laugh and say nothing because I didn't want to explain that I ran a house, did countless amount of volunteer work or managed time for my husband. I already knew what that answer was worth in a room full of somebodies. We measure people by the income they generate and the title they carry. Lawyer. Doctor. Surgeon. Dir

Don't you want to be like her? She is doing so well! We have all had this thought as we scroll through socials and we witness someone else's transition. We notice their newly established business thriving, their relocation with such ease and their reinvention that looks so impressive. Envy? Jealousy or wonder? These are the uncomfortable feelings that come up when we compare our own change and notice that it's moving so very slowly. And like it was meant to be, the advert app

Can't wait for your kids to grow up? I did. Until they really did and my question was “Now what?” Being a soon empty nester does not free your time. It removes the routine that is the structure of a mother's life. From the moment a child starts school, a mother's day has a routine that she did not consciously construct. The alarm rings at the same time from Mondays to Fridays . What she does is dictated from morning till the time of the school pickup. It is then followed by t

There are five words that sound completely different depending on who says them. I need time for myself. When a man says them, the room nods. Nobody hears a threat or a rejection. It is accepted as a reasonable statement from a person with needs and the right to take them. When a woman in a relationship says them, nobody nods. When a mother says them, the room delivers its verdict. Because a mother saying I need time for myself is not heard as a human requirement. It is heard

There is a missing chapter in the book every pregnant woman reads. It tells you about your body week by week, what is growing, what is shifting, and what to expect at every stage. It is very thorough but it tells you nothing about your time, your identity, or what really happens to you once the baby arrives. Nobody writes that chapter and no magazine published the article. When Sophie arrived in 2008, we assumed 'equal' meant Dad goes to work and Mum takes care of the baby, a

Towards the end of my marriage, my psychologist commented that I was wearing less. Not less style, less coverage. More daring. More of the version of me that reaches for the thing other women my age wouldn't reach for — not to make a statement, but because I had decided, somewhere before I unlearned it, that I was allowed to do as I pleased. She noticed before I did. My wardrobe was returning to itself before I consciously knew I was. Most people assume that women who lose th

In my divorce trial, the opposing counsel tried to goad me into reacting. Repeatedly. She failed. Not because I performed composure. Because months earlier I had walked into a dharma class on a Saturday afternoon — not with a plan, not toward a goal — simply because I needed something to keep me occupied. Quiet heart, quiet mind. I practiced daily. No strategy. No guaranteed outcome. So when she pushed, I didn't react. Eventually she stopped trying. One small decision. Months

Success by association — did you ever think that you would cling to that when you got married, gave up your own pursuits and raised the children? Did anyone ever tell you that divorce wasn't just about cutting ties with the one you married — but also the identity that became you when you said yes? Has it ever crossed your mind that applying for an entry-level job was going to be one of your biggest worries and most humbling experiences when the separation papers were filed? W

Sick of it yet? The word stuck. I am — because I see it everywhere. And I am sure you do too. Oh yes, they might drop a hint that you are lost as well. Sick of that too? It's annoying, isn't it? Because every coach is trying to sell you on the idea that you are somehow stuck or lost. But how would they know what your version of stuck is? What is lost? And more to the point — how would you know if you actually are? To me those words conjure pulling your foot out of mud and not

The life you want will always find a way to outlast the version of yourself you are pretending to be. You cannot get what you want until you know who you are. And you cannot do that as long as you keep yourself armored. Like a knight going home after battle, the armor has to come off. And so does ours. Because we will all need to strip down to our bare heart at some juncture of our life. The question is not whether that moment will come. It will. The question is whether you w

I confess that when I was married, I used to get nervous each time before I stepped into a large social gathering. Not the nice kind of nervous where you are anticipating excitement. This was the kind that starts at the bottom of the stomach and tightens the chest—as if bracing for impact. At the time, I told myself it was just the crowd. The large gathering of my husband’s clients and competitors. The performance I had to give. I did not examine my feelings any further than

I know I am not supposed to say this. But as a somatic coach, I do not like doing somatic releases on myself, even though I do it daily. Why? Because I never know when I might start crying. It is hard to admit that I still cry—because I was raised to view crying as a weakness, as if it means something is wrong with me. And as a coach, my life should be perfect, right? Writing this is hard. Because it is showing you that I am not perfect. That I have not got all my ducks in a

I never thought this would be my life. I went to school, graduated — twice — and married well and raised two children. I thought I did everything right. That was exactly the problem. Do not give everything without a structure that protects you. You see, I spent most of my life putting my family first — because I thought it was the right thing to do. Like most people, we want to give our children what we did not have. I was a latch-key child at age seven. I woke each morning t

In 2018, my husband told me he'd had the best weekend of his life because I was away. He said he walked into work on Monday smiling for the first time. I understood exactly what it meant. And instead of calling my legal counsel, I looked for a therapist to fix me. After each session, I would call him to apologise for being me. That is not confusion. That is avoidance dressed as effort. Intelligent women do this better than anyone. When the information is unbearable, we don't

“We need to talk.” Four words most people avoid.The conversation most women postpone. And when it finally happens, it’s usually because everything has already been drained. Not because she is weak.Because she waited until the leak emptied the tank. But that’s not really a boundaries problem. It’s an energy leak, and most women have been taught to label it something else. Somewhere along the way, boundaries became framed as a feelings conversation. Set limits. Protect your pe

You've probably been there. Lying awake at night, running through every possible scenario in your head. Telling yourself to calm down. Trying to convince yourself that if you could just stop overthinking… you'd finally feel okay. So you try the things that are supposed to help. Meditation. Journaling. Breathing exercises. Sometimes they work, for a moment. But then the feeling comes back. That quiet restlessness you can't quite explain. Here's the truth: You're not doing

There is a particular kind of fatigue that high-functioning women don't talk about — because to do so is to admit vulnerability. This is not the tiredness that you feel from a bad week at work or at home. I have felt this from time to time over the years. It didn't come from work — it came from a place of empty within. This exhaustion can't be seen from the outside — because high-functioning women maintain their poise. That is the armour that shields vulnerability from prying

The most powerful and most dangerous thing about a high-functioning woman is this: She can survive almost anything. Which means… she will. Your threshold for discomfort is high. Higher than most. You can tolerate things that would make other people walk away. And because you can tolerate it, you convince yourself it must be fine. But here’s where it gets complicated. You were taught that virtue equals endurance. “Don’t complain.” “Be grateful.”“Other people have it worse.”

Most women don’t leave their lives because they planned to. They blew it up because they waited too long. The affair.The sudden resignation.The “I’m moving to another country and starting over.” And from the outside, it looks dramatic. But it’s not a failure of character.It ’s what happens when misalignment goes unaddressed for too long. When the pressure builds with no outlet, the only exit that feels available is a dramatic one. And we’ve been sold this idea that transforma